Distant words

This post is dedicated to a faithful reader of my blog, who has inspired me to take up blogging again.
Sitting now to put down these words has been a hard process for me. So many doubts overtake me. Am I ever going to be able to write again, what if I have lost what I had so many years ago, What is I have forgotten how it all works......

As these crazy doubts continue to bombard me, I pluck determination to complete what I have set out to do. Right now, I just want my words to stop feeling so distant to me, and whisper a little bit of magic like it used to. The feel of my fingers racing over the keyboard, as if they had a mind of their own. To just drown into this world of words and feelings, where I was once so much at home.

I don't know if I would ever feel that again. but I pluck this courage to go where I know that I possibly will fail. where I could possibly cringe at my own written word and erase them once again as though they never existed.

These words that exist in me like a caged dove longing to be set free, like unending nights with no sign of a daylight. like a hidden spark that refuses to die out. A longing that burns inside a corner of my heart, that I choose to shut out forever.

As these uncertain words tumble out, with a fresh coating of doubt, I ponder if I should just hit the save button and tell myself again that I will come back when I "get it" again.

There was a time when I was best friends with metaphors and similes, I went to sleep dreaming of sentences and paragraphs, and waking up to a bright new slogan that would seal my creation.

But for now this is all I got, not enough, but better than nothing :)