Friday, February 20, 2009

Being centered

I am going through one of those 'god-why-do-I-exist' phases again! Imagine a day like this
I wake up late (already a bad sign), take an auto to office,
then I realise I forgot my
wallet at home. Thankfully the auto guy is nice enough to accept the fare next day, so takes my phone number.
Get to work. Make stupid mistakes, and was threatened to get fired 3 times. Finally I get chucked out of making the pages (I work for a newspaper). And at this point I just observe how I feel. Things going wrong is not really big deal for me, by now, I am a self confessed expert at it. But then inevitably I always go into 'this-always-happens-to-me', or 'everyone's-here-to-give-me-a-hard-time' mode.
But today, as my boss screamed on top of her voice so that the whole office could hear how badly I screwed up, I could just detach myself and watch what was happening and just smile (internally).
And a strange calmness enveloped me. And then I felt just empty, blank.

And then a realisation of how impermanent each situation is hits me. And how empty they feel as they fade away in the magnitude of time. And every time I get back to this emptiness, I get in touch with truth. As I walk back from work to home, in the busy MG road every single day, I feel, I am at the centre, and events, happenings, emotions..are all revolving around me. While I remain rooted, untouched yet ephemeral.