Friday, February 20, 2009

Being centered

I am going through one of those 'god-why-do-I-exist' phases again! Imagine a day like this
I wake up late (already a bad sign), take an auto to office,
then I realise I forgot my
wallet at home. Thankfully the auto guy is nice enough to accept the fare next day, so takes my phone number.
Get to work. Make stupid mistakes, and was threatened to get fired 3 times. Finally I get chucked out of making the pages (I work for a newspaper). And at this point I just observe how I feel. Things going wrong is not really big deal for me, by now, I am a self confessed expert at it. But then inevitably I always go into 'this-always-happens-to-me', or 'everyone's-here-to-give-me-a-hard-time' mode.
But today, as my boss screamed on top of her voice so that the whole office could hear how badly I screwed up, I could just detach myself and watch what was happening and just smile (internally).
And a strange calmness enveloped me. And then I felt just empty, blank.

And then a realisation of how impermanent each situation is hits me. And how empty they feel as they fade away in the magnitude of time. And every time I get back to this emptiness, I get in touch with truth. As I walk back from work to home, in the busy MG road every single day, I feel, I am at the centre, and events, happenings, emotions..are all revolving around me. While I remain rooted, untouched yet ephemeral.

5 Annotations:

Ashish said...

Seems that you have started enjoying life big time... Today I have seen one play, and in that play one girl goes to Rajastan in the search of truth and there

she met some artists.... they had conversation in which those artists says, we don't understand people goes in search of heaven, but for us this very moment

is heaven only, it doesn't matter whether there are 400 audiance or 4 we sing, we dance and we play for oursleves we understand ourselves first and then

whatever comes out our art, people like it....

So true, when we are close to ourself and understand ourselves, then what ever we do is wonderful...

Sunny said...

Hey... I am new to this blog thing.. I always wanted to ask you how to write a blog as each time i get some thought or get a new experience.. i want to put it here in this place so that others will also gain the same from my experience..

Your blogs are good girl.. they are very nice and what to say... very good... so.. now i decided.. I am gonna watch this space for ever..

jaideep said...

"God Loves Fun"
So just observe and have fun,
That is it

Get your Boss one masala Dosa topped with butter at the Famous MTR's and she really really misses going out there. take her their once.
and see what happens:)


Praveen Muraliganesh said...

Well, nobody enters into any phase of life as phase of life seldom exists which is inclusive of bad signs and good signs..Man created God, Man created good and bad. Man created everything. Better break all those rules.

We got to look into the world as land of opportunities. We all know that looking at a half cup full is positive and half cup empty is negative.

When a person screams and screws my happiness, I enjoy it.I look at that person as a small child who needs my help. I thank him for creating me a new opportunity and also create more betterment towards my work.

If any hard feelings(to my context - "its called disturbances") threatens me more in case, I divert it with other tags becoz man has also created them as well.

So, its time for all of us to cheer up and find more opportunities for themselves.


nihar said...

Hey jus a sec thats the word that really bothers me.i cant b at center,some times i feel i'm going to rule ma realm of dreams,nxt moment a doubt raises,y so?