Waking up to a new day!

Every day, again and again!

Reminding myself of things I am grateful for. 

Taking up new challenges and adventures, and knowing that they will not change who I really am (and if it changes, its for the good).

Being true to myself and my nature, and listening to my inner voice (just not the one that tells me to eat chocolate).

Bearing a little bit of short term pain for long term gain.

Knowing that life's short, if there's something I need to do, however small, its NOW!!!The best moment of my life is NOW, NOW, NOW!

What can I do today to make others life better, and this planet better.

Half an hour of my day, to just do what I love (for me its writing).

My moods, my feelings, my energy levels...all is a play of prana (life force energy), and I can take charge of this by attending to my body (exercise, yoga), breadth (pranayama), food (healthy, veg), sleep and meditation.

Every night before I sleep reading/listening to some knowledge.(will keep adding to this list as I come up with more)

I find you...

In disturbance & peace
a constant knowing 
that does not cease

In love, hate and in fear
sometimes confused 
sometimes clear

either activity or rest
with which every 
moment is possessed

with every tear every smile
reminded of it once 
in a while

from the tainted to the pure
an unfinished journey
so unsure

In a world of delusion 
finding the real
with a soul to heal

In every step
its you I find
though not always 
on my mind

I find you in pain & and; in bliss
an intense feeling I cannot miss
hidden deep inside
like an unfulfilled wish

In memories I vaguely remember
in a sliver of hope that barely exists
In everything I know and all
that I may have missed 

Seasons of me

Raindrops falling
distant winds calling
stillness haunting
with an emptiness daunting

snowflakes melting
darkness fading
morning sun rising
with colors enticing

starlight blazing
lonely clouds appraising
adventure alluring
for promises assuring

twilight drifting
lightness lifting
heaviness shifting
an evening uplifting

darkness enveloping
glazed skies hoping
silence suggesting
a time of resting

raindrops falling.........


Beginning and ending
continuos unstopping
no breaking no pausing
receiving and sending

growing maturing
secrets uncovering
new paths discovering
meaning unearthing

concepts breaking
ideas shattering
a new kinda longing
a life transforming

silence celebrating
heart rejoicing
love surrounding
a peace everlasting

Just perfect!

Whether its the pile of steadily growing mountain of to-be-ironed clothes, or the messy spice rack I've been meaning to organize since forever. Also maybe the fact that I could sell my soul to catch that 10 min-turned-half-an-hour (maybe more) extra snooze in the morning and oh wait! we have the most important event of my lifetime (more than even my wedding) to be organized by our small team of amateurs in about 45 days. With a million things on my to-do list and pending and plus a million things in my not-to-do list happening with no extra effort at all, each moment feels crazier than the next.

And added to that the complexity of everyday interactions in a in broken german, appearing normal, even when I feel not so normal inside with all these irritating things running in my head. Wait a sec...hold on....take a breath. And suddenly I feel like a witness to all these events. As if its happening to someone else. Even though I feel lost, I know its not to long before I find my way back home. Being the Alice in Wonderland, where the line between real and unreal is thin, as everything is changing, and even me, this physical self that I have will cease to exist one day. 

In nature everything is perfect. The petals of a flower, the snowflakes, and me as a creation of this very nature is also perfect. Although I continue to see imperfections all around me, a part of me is unchanged, perfect. And this is the part that I hold on to, especially when I meditate, while doing acts of service and when I take care of the world around me. And just knowing that there is and always will be this perfection in me that will never cease, I can deal with the daily imperfections of life with a smile. 

As the days draw nearer to the big day, I do feel overwhelmed by the responsibility we have taken. I have no idea how everything will be accomplished, no idea where all the skill and resources will turn up from. Just this faith as how everything happens so flawlessly in the nature, with perfect timing, on that day, it will be the same. Just Perfect. 

Pieces of me

Past one week can only be described in two words- utter stress! It was as if an invisible veil was covering my vision, my awareness. Something in me felt  so unnatural and uncomfortable- constantly. It was as if I was split into two, which were constantly wrestling. The more I wanted to get out of it, the worse it got. It starts in the mind, and slowly it filters into every level of existence. And very soon, it manifests into my speech and my being. Very soon I was a time bomb, waiting to detonate, at the slightest push of a button. Is this who I am? maybe I have not matured enough? Every doubt that existed on this planet is suddenly burying me in an avalanche of pain, regret and all those annoying emotions that make me want to cuddle up in a blanket and never get out.

I sit to meditate, knowing that this will surely work, but alas! there goes my mind into a thousand pieces again. I attempt one last time, and force myself to sit down and do my practices, just as a ritual if not anything else. 

The storm has passed. Mind is quiet. I look back and as always I cant help but smile at myself. Its the same story each time. Its the same feeling I get when I put my hand into my giant handbag, that is full of 'stuff' to fish out my keys, the few moments till I find the keys, I feel a panic of loosing it, and the more I panic, the longer I take to find them, even though I know in my heart for sure, that they're in there. Even when I finally find them (with a huge relief) I know there might be one day when I might actually loose them (I have a brilliant track record to prove it). 

But for now I have it. Its in my hands. And I can safely rest at home. I smile at how silly I can be. And how silly I will be in the future. I might turn into this time bomb again soon. Or not. 

For now, I relish this moment, where I am in peace and not in 'pieces'. Grateful to be normal again, and even laugh at myself at how comical I am at those moments. 

These moments I realize how important it is that I meditate regularly. The more I cut slack in my 'sadhana' time, the more often I get entangled. So my New Year resolution is to strengthen my daily practices. My Yoga, Kriya and meditation, giving it the honor that it deserve. Also remembering how lucky I am to be a part of that exclusive minority on this planet that can access this beautiful gift of nature that helps me handle my mind and my emotions. And my commitment to share this gift, this joy, with this planet, in this little time I have here. 

A forgotten love

I promised myself a million times to make a new post, and a million times I broke it. It was like I was postponing a failure. It's what happens anyway right? I stare on a blank screen, waiting for smart, witty words to pour out magically (like it once used to), but all that happens is awkward sentences that are just trying way too hard to sound smart. Like strums that come out of an untuned guitar.

And all too soon the doubts make way. Maybe it was just a phase when I wrote well, maybe its over, maybe I should start looking at other 'things', this just isn't my 'thing' anymore. And on a computer screen, its just way easier to save (if there's anything to) and open another tab with Youtube on it.

But now, somehow, at 1 am now, I made up my mind that I will not sleep before I post. I don't care if its another failure, I don't care if I stare at this screen all night long. For once, keeping all my doubts and judgements aside, I just want to write. For I don't know what the next moment will bring, and how my mind will change its course. Just being here and now, just me and these words, like once it used to be.

All of a sudden, I feel I could just go on writing, with this reckless abandon and freedom, that I felt once long ago. I could go on writing with the feeling that I've come home at last. I could go on writing endlessly, limitlessly, as if I am reflecting a part of universe in this small me.

I look at this screen its already filled with words, and I am amazed, I can't even remember that last time I wrote this much, and so uninterruptedly without a paranoid need to edit every second word.
I write because I am happy, as an expression of my joy, sharing a little piece of me, not that after writing I become happy. I write because writing is no different from me, and its something that I can't but do. I write because when I do I am in total acceptance of me and the world around me in this unfathomable entirety. I write because probably this is my only chance to experience 'me' without a boundary before I step into the real world where I am superglued with labels and shut into a box of convenient stereotypes. 

I began with a million reasons not to write. And here I am with a billion reasons to write. As I come near to closing this post, I know that making a promise to come back here isn't going to work. Sorry to say, my mind is light years away from perfection. But all I know is that I have this one moment with me now that is perfect, and I get to keep it forever.

And then I know, that I don't get to choose these moments, these moment choose me, and if I am lucky enough to catch it, at the right time, space and state of mind, something beautiful is created. A beauty that is always there, but rarely felt. And when the moment ends, the beauty still remains and never fades away. And all that I can do is pray with all my heart that these moments choose me more often, and more then that, when they come, I am ready for it.