Thursday, February 28, 2008

What makes me special

28 February 2008

It’s the knowledge that makes all the difference; today what I read especially touched me
‘Are you special or ordinary?
What makes you special on the path? (Everyone is silent) Your perception, observation, and expression have advanced. What makes you ordinary on the path is that you are special! (Laughter) . . . . Because everybody thinks they are very special in some way or another! Your perception has improved. You see the cause behind every cause, the Divine, and you see the great plan behind every small plan. You don't see the intentions behind other’s mistakes and you are not a doubting Thomas.

Was just another boring day at work, nothing significant, and I wondered if there was anything to look forward at all. Was supposed to go visit mom and dad in ashram, but had to cancel it due to Bhasker’s wedding next Sunday. And now here I am at my desk feeling low.
But I’ve learnt how to take all these feelings and emotions lightly, as ‘they all rise and dissolve in the self due to our very nature’ (ashtavakra gita). And that’s why I can still smile even though I feel like bursting into tears. Life just feels so surreal at times, I mean am in a prolonged state of ‘hah! Big deal…’ like nothing surprises me or excites me or…I don’t know, I’d love sound glamourous by calling myself vairagi. But I know that I am far from that, I’d probably sell my soul for a hot chocolate fudge right now.